Keeping Hens in the Back Garden

I’m a bit behind the curve with keeping hens in my back garden; it’s hardly trailblazing these days. Obviously it’s not new at all to keep hens at home: my granddad had quite a few hens, but in more recent history it seemed a bit unusual, a bit Tom and Barbara, to have livestock in the back yard. Right now, it seems quite the fashion, possibly thanks to Hugh FW. I’m certainly no smallholder or farmer. Hen keeping will be slotted into our day-to-day family life, to fit in amongst the school run, work and all the after-school ferrying around. My initial feelings, before getting the hens, are of practical utilitarian hen keeping; they are not pets, they are livestock; I will be dispassionate, yet humanitarian (or does that only apply to fellow humans? Perhaps henitarian would be the word?) not getting emotionally attached to the birds. Well, who’s placing bets on how quick that approach is going to fly out the window without its wings clipped? It’s not looking good:

I booked myself on a poultry keeping course at Reasehealth Agricultural college, with a view to learning lots of information and practical skills, including handling poultry, getting hands on and holding them and, oh dear, they are rather lovely little things, and would you believe how soft their feet are… ahem. Pull yourself together Leo; remember: Not pets; Livestock. Keeping hens was never intended to be a source of cheap eggs, the initial out-lay on hen house, fencing and all the other items required will see to that; although you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs, you can certainly make one without breaking even. It seems that it will serve, as well as a hobby or escape from modern life, as a middleclass angst soother: Most of us now feel abashed or in need of self flagellation if we were to purchase non-free-range eggs, because it now seems a given that battery eggs are loathsome to the very core. But, if I may add to that middleclass angst: industrial egg production, even if classed as free-range, is not without its stress to blight the lives of our feathered friends. Free-range hens, if kept in vast numbers, can have quite a stressful existence. Hens like a status quo; as a breed these foul, in their natural habitat, exist in smallish groups and, after initial squabbling, establish a pecking order, a hierarchy. Once established, they know one another and know their place. In vast numbers, this is not possible and what would be an initial, brief period of stress in a small group, is a constant round of squabbling and stress on a day to day basis. Now, I’m no bleeding-heart liberal, there is a practical and dispassionate point here: stressed hens are more susceptible to illness and disease. To bring matters round to some degree of perspective, it’s still better than being a battery hen. But what a good excuse for this new venture at home: guilt-free eggs.

After reading up far more than is strictly necessary, to the extent that my wife has said that if I buy another poultry book, I’ll need a buck-buck-bookcase to keep them in, I now feel prepared to go ahead and get some hens. First step: Build a hen house and chicken run. I best stop typing and get building…